Friday, April 24, 2009
Decided
For vacation, I'm going to Phuket, Thailand. June 22-29. It shall be amazing. Flight is booked.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
To be grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
I haven't written here in awhile.It's not because I haven't had the time to. I have been thinking about the way I live my life and what I want to do with it.
The thing is when you are going through college, your mind isn't always thinking about that after this you will be an adult. Of course, you are an adult when you are in college, but it doesn't hit. You're still going to school as you have your whole life. The only thing different is you hardly ever live with your parents anymore. But it's been slowly hitting me and I think the past few weeks, it really bothers me that I'm more lost.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a mess. I know where I stand and such. I just don't know where I want to go. It has taken so long to realize that I'm no longer a student, no longer any of the things I have considered myself to be my whole life. I couldn't even let people call me a woman until I came here (except when I became angry with my parents and used it as a defense).
Basically I've been thinking about where I want to go and what I want to do. First thing is I have my first vacation pretty much ever on my own in June. And I'm planning it by myself and I'm a little scared. We all know most things I plan and look forward to screw up. I'm going by myself, at least if I can't find someone who can and will go with me. I want to make sure I'm safe and have fun.
Some of my friends have been getting married and some are starting to have babies. And though I am happy for them, I don't think that's part of my life currently. I actually had a dream, funny enough. Basically in my dream I met with a doctor who was telling me that some choice I was making made it nearly impossible for me to have a baby. And in the dream, I felt no remorse. In fact, I said to the doctor, "a baby is just not in my plans right now." Not that I will never settle down, get married, or have children. I just don't think those things are on what I want in my agenda. Besides, the whole concept of settling down sounds disgusting. Disgusting in the sense, that I want to always live my life and when and if I ever get married I want to continue to live my life and not settle down.
Then I need to figure out what I want to do after the year is through. I know it sounds quite far away (and really it is) but time flies and it's important to have a plan. I need to officially decided whether I'm doing a second year or not. And if I'm not, I need to decide what I'm doing when I'm coming back. Where I'm going to live, with whom, and what kind of a job I get. I know this might offend my mother a tad bit, but It's not meant to. I cannot live at home anymore. This is because it does not feel like home. I also feel that my independence feels suffocated at home. I like living on my own, supporting myself. I think I have always loved it.
All in all, I've been doing some thinking. I've made some choices which I don't think I could have made a half a year ago. I still have so many more decisions that I must make and will have to continue to make many decisions in my life. It's all part of growing up.
The thing is when you are going through college, your mind isn't always thinking about that after this you will be an adult. Of course, you are an adult when you are in college, but it doesn't hit. You're still going to school as you have your whole life. The only thing different is you hardly ever live with your parents anymore. But it's been slowly hitting me and I think the past few weeks, it really bothers me that I'm more lost.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a mess. I know where I stand and such. I just don't know where I want to go. It has taken so long to realize that I'm no longer a student, no longer any of the things I have considered myself to be my whole life. I couldn't even let people call me a woman until I came here (except when I became angry with my parents and used it as a defense).
Basically I've been thinking about where I want to go and what I want to do. First thing is I have my first vacation pretty much ever on my own in June. And I'm planning it by myself and I'm a little scared. We all know most things I plan and look forward to screw up. I'm going by myself, at least if I can't find someone who can and will go with me. I want to make sure I'm safe and have fun.
Some of my friends have been getting married and some are starting to have babies. And though I am happy for them, I don't think that's part of my life currently. I actually had a dream, funny enough. Basically in my dream I met with a doctor who was telling me that some choice I was making made it nearly impossible for me to have a baby. And in the dream, I felt no remorse. In fact, I said to the doctor, "a baby is just not in my plans right now." Not that I will never settle down, get married, or have children. I just don't think those things are on what I want in my agenda. Besides, the whole concept of settling down sounds disgusting. Disgusting in the sense, that I want to always live my life and when and if I ever get married I want to continue to live my life and not settle down.
Then I need to figure out what I want to do after the year is through. I know it sounds quite far away (and really it is) but time flies and it's important to have a plan. I need to officially decided whether I'm doing a second year or not. And if I'm not, I need to decide what I'm doing when I'm coming back. Where I'm going to live, with whom, and what kind of a job I get. I know this might offend my mother a tad bit, but It's not meant to. I cannot live at home anymore. This is because it does not feel like home. I also feel that my independence feels suffocated at home. I like living on my own, supporting myself. I think I have always loved it.
All in all, I've been doing some thinking. I've made some choices which I don't think I could have made a half a year ago. I still have so many more decisions that I must make and will have to continue to make many decisions in my life. It's all part of growing up.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
