I've been worrying a lot lately. Part of me doesn't want to grow up and still be the college kid or high school kid I was just a few years ago. But I know that's not possible. And I know the only reason I want that or would want that is because I'd be running away from making decisions and being responsible. I liked myself a lot when I was naive and trusted everyone, not knowing things. There was nothing to bring you down or disappoint you. However, there's a lot that comes with knowledge. A lot more valuable things, a lot more experiences, a lot of life to live. I guess part of what is making me think of things is all these friends becoming engaged, married, and having children. I have been choosing not to live this kind of life purposely, but I know there's goign to be some point I will want those things. Part of me is afraid I'll just miss out on them. The other reason why I'm thinking like this is because my contract will be up soon. I'm trying to plan out where and what I'm going to do for at least another year. I'm trying to make sure I stay on some sort of target, stay happy, experience the world, be a good friend. I know I certainly fail at these things sometimes, but they're the things that seem to matter at this part of my life. There's no use of worrying about all these things, but they just get to me.
Anyway, I am happy. I'm doing well and I'm healthy. I've made some of the most amazing friends regardless of disappointments. I've experienced so much that I never imagined. Still love the family and friends back home. Nothing could ever replace you all. Much love.
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