To Mr. Parks

For those of you who don't know, Mr Parks was my college band director. But he was more than just a director. he was an inspiration and motivator. He lived his life the best way he could and taught all his students to do the same. In the marching band world, he was a God. On September 16th he died of a heart attack. The band was on a trip to Michigan state for a football game. They had performed at an Ohio high school game and shortly after the heart attack occurred. I was called by Stephanie Chueng in a matter of hours after it happened. Luckily, it was a Friday at work and I had very little classes so I was able to pick up and talk to her for a little while. I thank her so much for that call.
I've been struggling with myself how to feel about this event. I know I am sad, but the best way to celebrate him? memorialize him? In Korea, I've finding it quite hard. No one else knew who he was or what kind of an impact he had. Those around me, especially Stuart, are trying to be helpful. However, no matter what they don't know the full of it and will never know all of it. I miss my band family, my sisters, my color guard. Marching band helped fully shape 8 years of my life. It helped me to grow into a leader. It helped me to stay motivated. Yes, it will still exist without Parks, but he was the biggest influence in my knowledge and love of marching band. he influenced many of those who influenced me in high school. he influenced my mentors, my friends. Personally, I don't know if Parks knew how much of an effect he had on my life. I only hope I can pay it forward to those who I've been teaching and those who I encounter in my life. I will take his influence and continue to do it "My Way."
This weekend was the homecoming where there was a two hour memorial service. I was able to watch online here. http://www.umass.edu/umhome/parkscelebration/
Thank you Allison Norton for the link.
I guess my thoughts for right now are thank you to everyone who has had even a remote impact of my life. Also, I miss you. All of you.

Knees and quick Hong Kong update

So I finally went to see a specialist for knees.. well, i'm not sure exactly what he was..some doctor, but he was recommended by a fellow employer. He looked at my knees. He kept pressing different points of the knee. At one point he pressed a part and it hurt so much I started tearing up in a second. Well, he decided the left knee was worse and decided to only get x-rays of that one. He looked at the x-rays. He diagnosed it with patellar tendonitis or Jumper's knee. I've been reading about it and most of the exercising I do pretty much can be a cause of it. Well, basically he prescribed me acupuncture for the knee, then physiotherapy and then some pills (there's 2 in each bag which I have to take 2 a day for the next 3 days). Unfortunately, he didn't tell me the pills. The guy who did the physiotherapy to me gave me some stretches to do and told me to ice if a I need to. He also told me not to do a bunch of things for about a week and when I do start them again go very slowly. It screws up any workouts I have, but I guess it is better than anything else which could be getting worse down the road. Definitely an interesting time.

Hong Kong was amazing. It was a big little country which was the perfect getaway from Korea for the time-frame I was faced with. I definitely recommend going to Lan Kwai Fong, SoHo, and the Ladies Markets for anyone choosing to go.

I'm sorry Gym..We're suffering a bit

I've been having some issues with sleep and working out lately. I want to work out, but then again sleep takes over sometimes. it all started around the time my schedule became a bit busier at school. We lost a part time foreigner teacher and instead of hiring a new teacher, they decided to spread his classes around to the rest of us. Well. The schedule is a little rough. Not everyday, but I can feel it taking a toll on me. I want to go home and sleep a lot more. I have less time before the gym just to relax. There has been almost one day a week where I have just fallen asleep and not woke before I make aerobics class. I feel guilty quite often for skipping out, but I almost always realize I must have needed it.
The other issue is I think I was overdoing myself. I was doing aerobics 4 or 5 days a week. running for 3 days and latin dance class one day a week. When I would run.. I would run 10 km ( a little over 6 miles) right after doing aerobics. My knees have been acting up more lately and I just think all of this added to my exhaustion.
So I decided to back down. But the problem is, I'm having trouble backing down. I'm scared of becoming fat. I'm scared of changing my routine. I'm scared of any bad consequences of backing down. But I need to do it. So, I've been working on it slowly. I stopped running so much at one time. I've also started cycling as an alternative. But I still haven't found a perfect workout. I need to find something I can do and something which would enable to change up intensities and also make me feel accomplished after the gym. I'm on the search.
For next week, there will probably be no gym as I will be in Hong Kong. Definitely excited. :)

Busy busy busy

I haven't written in awhile because life has been a lot more busy. The weather has gotten much nicer and therefore I have spent more time outside. Things are going really well in my life, full of people who care about me. I think I have found a happiness in my life I was missing for a while. But it's back and in full force.
Updates. I passed my TESOL course last week with a 93. I am now officially certified. I have not received the certificate, but expect to soon. This course was definitely worthwhile to me. I am so glad I took it.
In September is Chuseok, Korean Thanksgiving. This year it is 3 days long. I asked for the Friday off as well. I will know be going to Taiwan in September. I'm excited. I have been feeling a need to visit another place soon.
I know there's more to say, but I'm not quite sure what at this moment. For now, I'm alive and well and happy. Life is wonderful

blogging

With my e-reader that I got for Christmas I have been reading a lot. Also, my friend has a website he's trying to work onto to convince people to be motivated to stay informed and discuss issues in society. I asked him to write a guest article. Here goes.
http://www.informedinstigation.com/viewpost.php?p=92
Currently, he doesn't have comments available on the site. The comments instead are on facebook notes. If you have any opinions, please let me know. I'm curious.

Temple Stay

This weekend I finally went to a Temple Stay which I had been hoping to do a long time ago. My friend Ashleigh and I went together. We went to Gyeongju which is awesome spot to see all the cherry blossoms. It was a gorgeous, jacketless day on Saturday. We proceeded to take a what was supposed to be 40 minute bus ride to the temple, however, because of traffic it was more like an hour and a half. We were given clothes and a minbok room. Then we had dinner. Dinner was typical Korean food like rice vegetables, kimchi, and soup. Then we had a chanting service. the chants were in Korean, so it was hard to follow their chanting. However, they did give the English translation so we could know what they were saying. They also taught us the basic bow. We did this bow so many times while we were there. After chanting came Sunmudo training. This temple specializes in sunmudo. Sunmudo is a kind of Zen martial arts which is really cool. It was a little rough, making us do many crunches right in the very beginning. I've been sore..my legs, arms, and stomach ever since the training. But I enjoyed it. It's all about getting your mind, spirit, and body to work together. After sunmudo we had some free time. then it was a 10 pm lights out. I can't remember the last time I went to bed at 10. But it was probably good for our 4 am wake up call. Sleeping was minbok style- on the floor. Floors are not as comfortable as they should be. Next morning at 4 am we were woken by a chanting monk. Due to a misunderstanding, we missed the morning chanting service. Usually for missing this service, you must do 3,000 bows which I guess can take about 6 hours. The monks, however, did not force this bowing on us one night temple stayers. We had sitting meditation and then a walking meditation. On Sundays, breakfast is a special meal called Barugongyang. There is no talking involved and it is very systematic. You must eat EVERYTHING. And you clean your bowls and stuff with a piece of kimchi and water. If it is not clean enough you have to drink the dirty water. This explanation is oversimplifying what went on. The point is to meditate and not to waste. We had a small break afte the meal. We had some tea and conversation with a Ninja monk from France. He is not a full-blown monk and never will be. He came to the temple to study Sunmudo. Now he is studying the Buddhism part of the temple. When he goes back to France, he wants to start a Zen Sunmudo center. It was cool because he answered a lot fo our questions about the daily life at the temple and how he got to be there. Then we were given some archery lessons. As soon as I picked up the bow and arrow I knew I was going to be horrible at the archery. However, it was cool to try. My friend Ashleigh got some cool pictures. (My camera is currently broken). We then went wandering around the temple, exploring and enjoying being out in nature. By this time, tourists had been coming so there was a lot more going on in and around the temple. Finally we had lunch which was similar to dinner except because it was Sunday, we were given rice cake and watermelon. All in all, it was good. I think, however, if I were to go again, I would opt for a weekday as that is more the normal schedule. Also, I might opt to go for more than just overnight to be able to fully engage in all the happenings at the temple.

Exciting news

I've been doing some editing for a friend of mine of a book he wanted to publish. All in all, I edited about a third of the book and he gave me editors credit. It's finally published. I'm not sure if the people I know would be of its readership or not, but it's cool to have my name as an editor.
Here it is on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Anvil-God-Spiritual-Reformation/dp/1450585760/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270265479&sr=8-7
Check it out if you want.

Overuses and Misuses

Don't get me wrong, I love Korea. There is something so unique and welcoming about this country. But with many things, it's not perfect. Some of those things have to do with certain phrases people use all the time that absolutely drive me crazy.
Phrase 1: I'm sorry. Now, Korea is definitely not the country to use this phrase way too much, but since I've been living in Korea so long, I equate it with Koreans. I'm sorry is supposed to be used when we are really true sorry for something. But we misuse it, to the point that sometimes it becomes obsessive and tends to anger me. For example, when I lived in my first apartment in Korea, I had a crazy landlord who had access to my apartment at all times. It was a sticky situation I got out of fairly quickly. However, while I was trying to get out of it, he would enter, say I'm sorry, and then continue to do what I didn't want him to. He did it as if the sorry made it ok to do what he should not be doing. I, on more than occasion, became very angry because his sorry was completely misused. That is how Koreans tend to use I'm sorry. It angers me because if you are sorry for something you wouldn't do it again or continue doing it. Well, the I'm sorry is not just a Korean thing. An ex decided to talk to me in the past couple weeks and apologize for the way he has treated me. He apologized, then tried a couple of the same antics. Don't tell me you're sorry unless you mean it.
Phrase 2: Don't worry about it. So, at work there are many things they tell us last minute. There are many things they tell us we have to do, but don't give us details. If we ask questions about it, they give us the standard answer of don't worry about it. However, I feel as though I should worry about it. If I don't know what I'm doing, I don't feel prepared and I feel as though I am not doing my job correctly. I am also embarrassed because I feel as though I am losing face. If I do a bad job, I look bad. When Koreans tell me not to worry about things, I then start to worry all the more. Not ok. My job is relatively easy. My living here in Korea is relatively easy. When Koreans tell me Don't worry about it, I know it's a load of bull.
Phrase 3: You're pretty/ You're hot. This phrase is again not a Korean thing, but it applies mostly to my lving in Korea. I get it so many times from Koreans. I know when they're saying it in Korean all the time. I know when they say it in English. But really, what they're saying is you look different. I look pretty to you because I'm different than you. The Korean culture as a whole idolizes white. The whiter you are the better. And I am looking whiter than I ever have these days. I fit the Korean ideal. I have curves. however, compared to many Americans, I have no curves whatsoever. I just have more than Korean women. But these things do not make me pretty. The drunk foreign men at bars use the you're hot phrase too much as well. Just last night, a Korean man came up to me and said, "I'm very frank. I'm going to be frank with you. you're hot." No lies, exactly what he said. Another foreign man, wearing a toga (there was a toga fundraiser for the orphanage here), told me I had to stop being so cute because I was killing him. Seriously? Do these lines work on many women? I really do not know and I certainly hope not. Anyway, the overuse of these phrases have made me desensitized to hearing it. What used to be a compliment, might possible get a blush out of me and a Thank you gets very little response. I don't not respond because I agree, but because I've gotten to the point where I just don't believe it. It actually is used so much that I sometimes start to think the opposite is true. And no one should let other people make them feel that way about themselves.

Ajummas are my new friends!

I like to go to the gym a lot. It's kind of my version of a hobby here in Korea. There are some days I really don't want to go, but then when I get there, I just can't stop. I want to do more and more.
Well, at the gym, I've been doing aerobics class pretty religiously. I like it because it has a little a bit of dance to satisfy my desire to dance a lot. In aerobics class are a lot of ajummas (Older Korean ladies). They are quite entertaining though I don't understand most of what they say to me. However, a few have started talking to me in English and catually very friendly. There's 2 I would like point out.
The first is the older of the two. She started talking to me in the sauna (wgich is completely naked for those of you who don't know) At first I did not understand much of what she was saying, but she kept talking so I was nice and listened. However, slowly I have understood more from her and I enjoy speaking with her. She used to be (of course before she had children) a professor of German at a University. Pretty cool, huh? A Korean teaching German who also speaks English. I happen to know she also is learning Japanese. She loves the fact that I use the sauna. Today she actually offered me a ticket to Spaland, which happens to be this wicked fancy spa/ sauna place that I've wanted to go to and just haven't found the right moment. I'm so excited and it was so nice of her.
The second lady, I really want to ask for her number so we can meet somewhere outside of the gym. I feel like I could learn a lot from her. She is a professor of Journalism at a University ( I haven't figured out which one). I would love to discuss more with her about this topic. She is kind of a young ajumma. I actually feel as though putting her in that category may be wrong, but I don't know what the correct term would be. She comes and talks to me after almost every class we both attend. I know she has a 13 year old son and she spent some time in America. (I forgot where). She is very friendly, nice and seems interesting. Anyway, I like her a lot and am hoping to expand our gym friendship. That is phrased quite awkwardly.
Over all, everything is good else wise. I've been so excited because my parents got me an EReader for Christmas (I know, it's February). It's amazing and I'm so glad. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Marriage and Children and 10 years from now

One of my co-workers today decided to ask a very serious question during lunch today and it's got me thinking. He asked where we expected to see ourselves in 10 years, mostly speaking career/life-wise. And I honestly don't know. this idea would have bothered me several years ago, but I like it now. I think goals are very good to have and I haven't given up on having goals, but I don't think they have to be that defined such as I will be working for this company, have 3 children, etc.
So, of course one of them said probably with children by then. They began to discuss children. At 34 the other two foreign co-workers were insistent that they would want to be married and have at least 2 children. They were so positive about it and I found myself uncomfortable with their certainty. I felt exactly the way they I do when I look at facebook and see many of my friends married, engaged, having babies. I feel as if I'm wrong or something. I feel as if I should find myself wanting that direction in life. But I'm not. I don't really want it. I'm happy about my choices in my life thus far and I don't want to make it a goal to have 2.5 children in 8.6 years and have a loving husband, etc. I want happiness in my life, but I don't quite see that picture perfect image as something I would be truly happy in.
It's funny because recently I've been having these thoughts when I've been at school. I've been having mental images of me having my child at like 5 years old. I think I would make a great mother. I wouldn't be perfect, but I've been adapting my styles of teaching and slowly learning how I would raise a child if I had one of my own. I do want to be a mother. But I am not setting an age that I want a child by. I think I might even perfectly happy if I had an adopted child. I don't even begin to think of who the father would be, if he would even be around, etc. Part of me even pictures me as a single Mom. It might have to do with my love of Gilmore Girls, but I can picture myself being a Lorelai kind of mother.


Anyways, on a completely other note, I have tonsillitis again. I should be feeling almost 100% by now, but I'm not. I have this God awful cold.
But good news, my parents sent my Christmas presents finally. they got me an e-reader amongst other things. I was so happy. I thank them so much.

Tango

So the gym that I go to has classes that you can take as well. I love this because I can take classes and use the treadmills etc without paying an extra price. I've been taking aerobics. Also, on Wednesday nights they have a Western dance class. Basically, every 3 months they change to a different style of western dance and learn steps, basic and slowly get a whole routine. Currently, we're on tango. I like the tango because it's fun. However, I have two issues. To do it correctly you always have to have bent knees. This kills my knees. We know that my knees suck. They used to crack all the time and in replace of that is pain. however, I've been trying to work my way through the pain. So far, I've been doing well. But tango does bother them. The other thing is tango makes you turn your legs in as opposed to out. This style is against anything that I was taught before. It's right, but my legs automatically turn out. It's always a struggle.
Anyway, so the instructor is male. He is a good dance speaks enough English to help me or he just moves my body when he doesn't know what to say. I kind of have a teacher crush on him..I guess you would say. I'm not attracted to him.. I'm attracted to his talent. But he tells me I'm a good dancer. Also, he nitpicks the little things. I know that sounds bad, but it's not. The smallest of things he nitpicks, the better as a whole that I'm doing. It makes me happy most every time I do so. Ialso need to find the Al Pacino movie with him tangoing..The instructor mentioned it in class.

Beauty

I never hated my body. Well, actually, I probably came close in middle school. But I don't think that I was extremely pretty. I've always been wanting to lose that little chub here or there. I still don't think I'm extremely pretty, but being in Korea has taught me a few things.
At the gym there are saunas and open showers. There are other places as well, but I'm at the gym a lot so I see naked bodies there more often. Women bodies are beautiful. I'm not attracted to women by any means, but they're beautiful. I always thought that fat was something you wanted to have none of. Just get rid of all that fat, I figured. I wanted to listen to people who said you need a little fat to be healthy, but I know I didn't really believe it. But seeing so many different sizes and shapes of naked bodies...fat is ok. In fat we need fat. If we don't have fat than we're not exactly normal and we're probably unhealthy. I think the beauty I see on the women at the gym is like the ancient Greek statues. And they are so much better in person. Women are beautiful and should not be ashamed of a little baby chub or a little fat. Those very tiny Koreans that look like they have no room for fat on them..have fat on them. That fat is beautiful. So, don't ever be upset because you're 10 pounds too much or something. Be healthy and love yourself and that's all that matters.

Sorry, about the last post. I was angry and didn't quite know how to react.
I love Busan a lot. I really do. As always there's a but. In Ulsan, I have a lot of friends that I felt I could count on. I could go to a place and guarantee that I would know people there. In Busan, I haven't built up a system like that yet. And that's uncomfortable sometimes. It's a bit more lonely, I guess. I knew this would be an issue when I moved cities, but it's hitting me hard lately.
I also forgot how much I hate January in Korea. I hate the cold. It's not even that cold compared to New England, but I guess with the lack of snow it doesn't feel as though it should be this cold. Nobody wants to go out or move or really anything. I still don't understand how I'm from New England and Busan's cold is affecting me this much.
I downloaded a Korean course on my computer in the hopes of learning more Korean. I get so annoyed when I only understand about half of what people are saying. It was better understanding nothing because then I didn't care. But half is a big huge tease.
Plus, I've been feeling as though my mind needs to be challenged. I've read 2 books in a week. I haven't done that since college. I need to challenge and expand my mind. Perhaps studying Korean will help me to do this.
I'm not sure if this will really happen or not, but I'm thinking about living in New York with Stephanie Chueng when I return. Of course, there are many factors, but most people who know me have always known that I wanted to move there all throughout college. We shall see.

I'm kinda aggravated. Supposedly, I said something VERY embarrassing and inappropriate to people on Christmas Eve to people that I hardly know. I can't even bring myself to mention it here. Not only is it embarrassing, but the people have been supposedly non-stop talking about it since. I have several issues with this. i was not drunk on Christmas Eve...I remember everything else, but this supposed comment. Even if I was drunk then, the comment would still be inappropriate and there is no way I could not remember saying something something so blunt. The comment wasn't even exactly correct...Idk..the way I found out was through a friend a week and half after the incident. That doesn't make sense either. I think if I found out something like this about a friend I would try to find out immediately if it was true or not, etc. Basically, this situation is really screwed up. It's another reminder that you can't trust people.